You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
