Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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