just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
