He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize