Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
