It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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