dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
