At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize