It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
