Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
