my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
