woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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