That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
