Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That accounts for only three of the penises
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
