remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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