the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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