is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
