the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
