we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
