She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
