we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
