Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
