Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
