i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
