Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
