I need help removing her.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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