everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
