ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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