She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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