shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
