if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
