Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
