I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
