I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
