i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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