Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
