i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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