I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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