ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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