Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
