Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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