If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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