actually, I'm a sock model
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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