Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
