glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
