Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Less talking, more tequila
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
