5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
