I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
