But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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