Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
