Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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