Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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