i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
