don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
