He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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