Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
