why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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