FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
