my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she looked like the before picture.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
