who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
