My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
