Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
