Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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