i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize