i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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