No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
soo... how was my night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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