ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize