its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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