i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
