i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
