hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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