Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
