i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
