I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
