By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
