I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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