Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
