I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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