Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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