Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You've changed since you got that strap on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
