I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
