Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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