He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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