Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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