i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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