I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
